


Memories of confessions

by Smart_heart



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Belle/Rumplestiltskin | Mr. Gold in the Dark Castle, F/M, Fluff, Fluff in the Dark Castle (Once Upon a Time), The Dark Castle (Once Upon a Time)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2018-11-30
Packaged: 2019-07-20 19:47:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16144244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smart_heart/pseuds/Smart_heart
Summary: Rumpletiltskin doesn't know how to tell his maid he loves her, he just knows he has to.Written for the September a-monthly-rumbelling non smut prompt: hands, warm, gentle





	1. Spilled secrets

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by a drawing by robertcarlyle on tumblr. Lots of love to that amazing person!
> 
> Just warning this was written really fast as I didn't want to post after September ended. It's trash, basically, but I hope you like!

Rumpletiltskin knew he wouldn't survive much longer that way.

He knew that those gentle touches would kill him. That those bright turquoise eyes would worm their ways into his soul. That her chesnut hair wouldn't ever leave his brain. That he had to do something about the weight on his shoulders, the hand on his neck keeping him from breathing, or else.

A hug. The bloody maid had given him a hug, and the most peculiar thing is, he wasn't even supposed to be surprised, seeing as she seemed to be growing found of throwing her arms around him when he said something kind or came home after a long while away in business.

And he knew that just wouldn't do. He had heard of people who wanted to confess their feelings, had made deals with peasants and royals alike who would give everything for a spell or potion to give them the strength to speak their hearts out. He had thought it rubbish, he had thought that maybe there were people out there more cowardly than even him, if they needed magic induced bravery to admit their feelings. But that had been before he felt his heart being squeezed by some invisible hand every time the girl was in the same room as he. 

And that's why he was avoiding her since that longer-than-usual hug. That's why he was hiding on his tower, pretending to be making a potion, when in reality he was sitting in fetal position on the love-seat near the window, looking and being completely lost.

"What would Bae do?" He whispered to himself before the voice of reason in his head interfered. "Bae would be brave enough, or at least sensible enough to tell her!".

His heart tightened even more at the thought of Bae. But his curse was brewing. It wouldn't be long. He had more pressing matters at the moment. He couldn't tell her how he felt. If he did, his Belle would be disgusted, afraid, and he'd have to let her go. And that was something, he realized, he didn't want to do. Not so soon after he'd met her.

And even if there was the remote possibility of her not being angry at him for his feelings for her, he didn't have the gut to do it. Not near it. 

He stretched himself and left the love-seat. Wandering to his cabinet. He realized he didn't have the ingredients for the bravery potion. 

Rumpletiltskin looked out of the window, to the white landscape surrounding the Dark Castle. The snow fell quickly to the ground, and the strong wind could be heard flowing through the cracks of the ancient building and forcedly shutting a door at the other side of his home. Not like it was the best weather to go collect Daffodil petals. Or go anywhere, in fact.

In that moment, he heard a rattling sound of china bumping lightly again silver outside, followed by three determinated knocks.

Belle entered the room without even waiting for permission. Her face was a mix of determination and uncertainty, and Rumpletiltskin didn't even know those two could go together.

"Rumpletiltskin, we need to talk." She said, leaving a tray with a tea set on a table near his spinning wheel, as she usually did when she came every evening to have tea with him. She waited for him to say something else, but he just continued to stare at his cabinet with potion and jars of all kinds, apparently doing his best to ignore her presence.

The Dark One tried to control his breathing, coming in nervous short puffs, and wondered if Belle could hear his madly beating heart as she approached him and put a hand on his shoulder.

"You've been avoiding me." She said sweetly. "Why?"

An uncomfortable silence took the room before he realized he should probably say something.

"I-I haven't been avoiding you." He lied. "I'm afraid I've just been... Busier, these past days."

"Oh?" She said and retreated her hand. Rumpletiltskin turned to face her, missing the warmth of her hand and afraid the gesture meant he had upset her, but she was wearing a smile on her face. "Well, but you're not busy now, are you?"

He raised his eyebrows, wondering what she could want. "Indeed no."

She grasped his hand and pulled him to sit on his spinning wheel. "Great! That means we can talk right now!"

"Talk?" He muttered confusedly as she poured them tea. He had thought that she only wanted to question him about his absence, but apparently there was still something else troubling her mind.

Or maybe not, he thought as she happily handed him a cup of steaming tea. Well, if she wasn't angry, and she wasn't troubled, he couldn't see why she'd want to talk to him.

"Of course! I missed you these past few days. You must have so much to tell! Have you visited any new kingdoms? Made any deals?" Her eyes lit with the expectation of new tales to hear, but while he knew he should be scavenging his mind for a story to share with her, he could only focus on one thing: she had missed him. Oh, things were only getting harder by the minute.

"Rumpletiltskin? Are you alright? If- if you'd rather not talk, that's fine?" She said a little worringly when once again silence took the room and he just stared at her wide eyed.

"No, no, that fine, completely fine" He brushed himself out of the trance she had unknowingly put him into and remembered one amusing situation that had happened when he had left the castle two days before. "Have you ever heard of Queen Mehreen of Broadbrook?"

Her eyes lit up and she nodded, anxious to hear the story. But just as he opened his mouth to begin his tale, she stopped him.

"Wait! I just realized I've forgotten something! I baked a cake for us to share, but I left it out of the tray when I came, I'll just go get it and then you can continue!" 

She put the tea set on the table and grasped the now empty tray, getting up and walking to the door. In that moment, Rumpletiltskin saw his chance and placed a stunning spell on her. The woman stopped dead on her tracks, her body completely still, a glassy appearance to her eyes.

The Dark One got up from his wheel, still clutching to his warm cup, and made himself stand right in front of her. When she was released, she'd have no memory of what he was about to do. And it would make staying in the same room as her infinitely easier.

"Belle, I've been wanting to say this to you for a long time." He began uncertainly, looking at the floor as if not wanting to stare at her practically unawoken eyes and remember this wasn't for real. "But I like you, and I care for you. So much I think I might even love you. You are kind and brave and smart. You are more intelligent than you should for your own good, and when you smile it feels like even the flowers sigh in unison. You have a witty sense of humor and still you laugh at my dark jokes and I think that's precious. When you speak, anyone can see your wisdom can be compared to none other. You speak with passion of the things and people you love and I wish everyone was like this." As he spoke, he lifted his gaze to her, even if not to her eyes, but to her ear.

"You are unsufferably stubborn, and you let no one control you or tell you what you can or can't do, and at the same time you are considerate of others' feelings. You have brought light into my life for the first time in many years, and on top of that you're the prettiest person to ever live. That's why I've been avoiding you. Because I love you and it scares me. Because it hurts to be in the same room as you knowing I'd never be brave enough to tell you all this, that you deserve better than me and that one day, I will let you go, because not even I am selfish enough to keep someone so clearly meant for shining locked away in this old castle." 

He lowered his gaze once more. "I'm sorry for not being able to tell you this. Someone better would. But as it is., this is the only way I have to get this off my heart. I hope one day you'll understand. No. I hope you'll never need to know."

He slowly walked back to his spinning wheel, placing his cup on the table after draining it, and took a deep breath. It felt like a weight had lifted off his shoulders, and maybe now he'd feel better. With a wave of his hand, Belle was free of the enchantment and casually continued her way to the kitchen, blissfully unaware of what she had just been told.


	2. Unsubtle reminders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A magical substance brings forth some memories Belle didn’t know she had...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for the December a monthly rumbelling prompt: grasshopper, temple, robe, rain.
> 
> Please ignore that it was posted on the last days of November. I was anxious.

Regina grunted as the little insect jumped away from her. Again. Anyone who saw the Evil Queen in that moment would probably think she went mad. After all, why would the most feared woman in the realm be in the forest, dressed in breeches and her hair arranged in a simple braid, chasing after a grasshopper?

Why, the answer was simple! It was all fault of that imp whose life purpose was apparently bedeviling her existence! She knew she had accumulated a few favors when she dealt with him. But she never expected to be ordered to accomplish such a humiliating task as this!

Rumplestiskin was seeking an ingredient which could only be found in the temple of ceamair, a magical between-the-realms place. She wouldn’t have that much against it, if, of course, the only way to go to the temple wasn’t through a portkey.

And if this portkey wasn’t a bloody grasshopper.

Finding the wee beast had been easy enough. After all, how many purple grasshoppers were there in the forest of memories? Or in any forest, to be honest. The problem, apparently, was getting it to stay still.

When Regina finally caught it, in the middle of it’s jump, she barely had time to say “Aha!” Before the ground under her seemed to all but disappeared and she was enveloped by an earth coloured vortex.

In barely two seconds, she landed with her backside in a circle of marble, surrounded by seemingly endless fields of wild grass.

The queen got up, cleaning her clothes from the dirt that sticked to it, and noticed that, carved in the marble, was a banishment symbol. That platform would take her back when she was ready, she realized with relief, as the grasshopper was nowhere to be seen anymore.

“Gods, what is it people see that it’s so nice about having to follow an animal to go somewhere? First that crazy white rabbit, and now this...” she grumbled as she followed a slim path which had been set in the field, the track the only grassless spot in sight. She only hoped it led to the place she needed to go.

After a few minutes of tracking, a big, Greek like building came into view, and just a while longer, she was inside it. In the middle of the softly lit white temple, there was an altar, and as she got closer, she saw a jar with incandescent golden leaves inside it. Perfect. Those were just what she needed.

“State your name and business” came a rough voice from the side of the temple and her hand stilled in the air, inches away from the jar. She turned her head to find a weird sort of creature staring at her. It looked like some sort of bush, with pointy leaves and two brown feet showing under them. 

“And if I don’t?” She asked mockingly. Under the leaves of the bush, a whole body grew on the feet, and in the end a warrior made of dirt, with a staff as a weapon and leaves on its head stood before her. From the shadows, five other similar warriors appeared on the other edges of the temple.

“If I survive,” Regina thought as she conjured a fireball to fight the small army. “I’m going to kill that imp”

____________________

 

Rumpletiltskin sat contently at his wheel as Belle’s back leaned over his side. He didn’t understand why she preferred to sit down and read on the carpet by his wheel than on the perfectly good armchair by the fire, but he found a better idea to give her more pillows and blankets to heighten her comfort than to complain.

At this point, he knew she was already sleeping, as he hadn’t heard the soft sound of a page turning in a while. It wasn’t an unusual occurrence, the hypnotic sound of the wheel having lulled her to sleep many times before. He was just enjoying the pressure of her pressed against his side for a while longer before he carried her to her room and tucked her into bed.

He didn’t, however, get this chance, as Belle soon startled awake when they heard the main doors open abruptly, a strong gush of wind coming inside along with the rain, the sound getting louder when the doors to the Great Hall opened as well 

“RUMPLESTILTSKIN” yelled a wet, dirty, and very angry Regina. “What on the name of Poseidon was that?! Next time you need someone to steal something from an absolute madhouse, count. Me. Out.” She said, as she strode closer to her former master, the jar of golden leaves wrapped securely in her hand.

“There’s your precious leaves” she placed the jar on the corner of the long table which occupied a great part of the hall. “Fucking enjoy them”

Both of them were too startled to speak, but rumple snapped out of his trance when Regina closed the doors with such strength behind her that the whole hall shook, and the jar, which had been placed to precariously, fell off the table and broke in many pieces.

The sorcerer was on his feet in an instant. “Don’t breathe!” He shouted to Belle as he placed himself between her and the shiny golden powder floating in the air, which the leaves had become when the came in contact with the air, but it was no use. Belle had already inhaled the substance.

The former princess gripped the wood of the spinning wheel as images flooded her mind, and Rumplestiltskin tensed before her. Ceamair’s sacred leaves had very strong reminder proprieties if handled with care, which is why he wanted it for a potion, but when it came in direct contact with the air for too long, the leaves would dissolve into dust, and it was said that it was capable of bringing forth memories locked away tight in the subconscious.

The Dark One was on the verge of panic as he watched his maid draw in ragged breath. His mind quickly went to the confession he had made a few days before. What would happen if she remembered? Would she laugh? Would she use her newfound power over him to her benefit?

He didn’t need to wonder for long, for as soon as Belle could breathe normally again, her first word was one of the last ones he expected.

“Mum...” she whispered, a single tear rolling down her pale face. Exhaling with relief, Rumpletiltskin tried to remember what his dear girl had told him about her mother. The woman had been the topic of quite a few conversations over tea time, Belle being much more comfortable with sharing her past than him, but he had only been told of a few stories and that she was dead. What happened to her, he never knew, and hadn’t pressed her for answers either.

Belle got up abruptly, doing nothing to allay the headache which was forming. Her brain wouldn’t stop bombarding her with images of what happened on that fateful day at the library.

It felt real. Too real. She could hear the stomping of the ogres’s feet, the fear coursing through her, and she could see her mother’s face so clearly it hurt.

She felt as if she was watching the scene from the outside as she saw her mother beckon her under a table, and, with a click of her fingers, _put a sleeping and invisibility spell on her_.

After she had made sure her daughter was safe, Collette turned to the ogres, fire in her eyes. She crossed her arms on an X pose and then released them, making the ogres fly back against the wall.

Only then did the Alvonlean queen realize that a few guards had just arrived to save them, and had watched the whole scene. But instead of relief over their safety, their eyes showed scorning and hate.

“WITCH!” One of them yelled, and Collette began to retreat, not willing to believe she had let that secret spill.

“An evil creature has taken hold of our Queen!” The leader shouted. “We’ll take her to the clerics! They will save her”

Collette snapped her fingers again and Belle was visible once more. That’s the last thing she could do before those men came forth and grabbed her arms, forcing her to follow them. The last thing Belle heard before the images began to fade away were her mother’s cries for mercy.

When she steadied herself on the ground again, she felt as if the whole world was falling around her. She raised her eyes to Rumpletiltskin, one strand of auburn hair falling on her eyes, and saw his concerned look, his hands raised in front of him, ready to help in case she lost balance.

Without second thoughts, she began running. She was going to cry a lot and she didn’t want her master to witness it. She rushed through the corridors, knowing her way perfectly after seven months in the castle, and threw herself on her bed after locking the door. 

She let the tears run free, hugging the pillow close. Her mother had had magic. Her mother had had magic and not once did she tell her or her father. But how could Belle blame her, if that’s what happened to her when others learned her secret?

Is this how she had died? Had the clerics killed her? Intentionally or not?Did her father _approve_ of it? She sobbed harder. Her parents had always seemed so in love. Was a little magic enough to break that bond? Had she inherited some of her mother’s magic? There were still so many questions to be answered, and she didn’t want to even think about it.

So she waited. For minutes or hours, she couldn’t tell. But she waited. She changed into a thick robe, if only to move a little bit, then she leaned against the wall as she heard droplets of water tap gently on her window, the worst of the storm having been gone already, just waiting for the turmoil inside her to make sense.

She took a deep breath. Her mother had been such a kind woman, she didn’t deserve what happened to her.

_“You are kind and brave and smart.”_

The words rang on her head and she brought a hand to her brow. What on the name of Aphrodite was that?

Oh, she was too tired for this. One flashback was already enough, and while she couldn’t possibly imagine what else was there for her to remember, or what was causing those flashbacks (probably that strange dust. But with Rumple’s things, she could never be too sure), she thought it was better to stay away from them for her own good.

_“You are more intelligent than you should for your own good”_

This time, not only one sentence came to her, but the whole episode. She could now see his shy attitude, hear his sweet, gentle words, feel the nervousness radiating from him, and she was on her feet in an instant, a smile adorning her lips.

Why hadn’t he just told her?! Was it really such a wild idea to imagine she liked him back? And she did, she really did. Had for some time, actually. Oh, this changed everything! 

She strode purposefully to the door. She could rest later, she thought. The answers she needed could also wait. But now? Now she was going to find Rumplestiltskin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... yeah, I’m aware this took long. I’m aware that I haven’t updated any of my fics in some time... Bit I have an excuse! And it’s called High School, but now I’m on vacation and I’m temporarily free of that evil!  
> You know what would persuade me to write in the vacation? *points to comment box*

**Author's Note:**

> Ya know what feeds the muse? *points to comment box*


End file.
